Handling When People Are Wrong on the Internetz

[rockinlibrarian]

I'm getting more online-journaly than bloggy this evening. I just wanted to get something off my chest that doesn't fit so well on Facebook or Twitter. It's not thought out, and will therefore probably be full of hypocrisy and things to say "Why on earth did I put that on the internet?" about later. But sometimes your paper journal doesn't cut it, because you really want to bounce it off other people, you know?

Anyway, remember last fall when I posted this Manifesto,, and then a couple weeks later I elaborated on the train of thought/emotional-spiritual-psychological growth/whatever that inspired it?

I'm still coming to grips with this "I can be Right, too" concept, but I do think I made a permanent change in this past year-- that I've moved forward somehow and even if I may fall back EMOTIONALLY at times, my BASELINE has moved permanently up. I've grown and I can't very well shrink.

Lately though it's like I'm suddenly SUPER-AWARE of how many people Talk Like They Know What They're Talking About Even When They Don't-- it's not a matter of I'm Right and They're Wrong as much as Why are these people so sure of themselves and yet they say things that are wrong but they say it in such a way as to make impressionable people like I was believe they must be right? It makes me-- ITCHY to look at the Internet, when there's so much great stuff interspersed with so many people talking PASSIONATELY and missing points, so many SMART people, not, like, a bunch of stupid teenagers asserting the legendary status of One Direction over some dumb band nobody's heard of called The Who. I mean maybe not ALWAYS smart people. I think the word I'm looking for is "sophomoric." Wise fools. They know a good bit of something so they let it go to their head, and then talk like if anyone's got a different opinion it's because that anyone is just not as ENLIGHTENED as they are... see where I said this was most likely going to get hypocritical? I'm trying not to be. I'm just trying to express my feelings, my frustration.

I mean on one hand it's the extremists that bug me, smug you're-all-delusional-and-I'm-not atheists and right-wing pundits who say they speak for Christians but seemed to have missed a lot of important tenets of Christianity-- and even though they're extremists to my mind they've still convinced loads of innocent followers that they must be right. On another hand, also-- I STILL NEED TO GET USED TO THIS-- there are people I admire and look up to who will every so often express some passionate-yet-flawed opinion, or respond to other people in ways that strike me as less-than-professional or downright childish. It's always made me a little squicky. None so bad as the time an author I really love internet-yelled at me when I-- not even begged to DIFFER with her opinion, but tried to gently point out that there might be more angles to the issue than she was acknowledging. I STILL can't quite think about her books (WHICH I LOVED) without the taint of that. But I just felt like They Were the Experts, I was this scatterbrained mom with a part-time job and no writing career, therefore THEY MUST KNOW SOMETHING I DON'T ABOUT EVERY SUBJECT, and if what they said didn't sit right with me then the problem must be me.

But now that I can see these things clearly, can SEE that even though people may be really good at some things and really smart in some ways it doesn't mean they know everything-- well, after awhile it just bugs me. Makes me ITCHY, like I said. What it really means is, probably, that I should take a break from the Internet. But I wish there was a way I could still communicate with people I like and still see funny tweets and pictures (for some reason lately I've been really partial to dogs making ridiculous faces. This may be an issue I should bring up to my therapist) and maybe have some kind of All-Martin-Freeman-All-The-Time feed I can keep up with, and not have to be inundated with the stuff that makes me itchy, which comes from some of the very same people I like hearing from so it's not like I can just block them.

But then, people do enough of that as it is. People follow people who agree with them. People insulate themselves with THEIR TRIBE and then become confused when faced with evidence that NO, NOT everyone agrees with them and those people aren't just ignorant. So we've GOT to be exposed to a wide variety of people and opinions and can't just filter in Stuff That Makes Us Happy.

But still, I'm uncomfortable, and I'm not sure what to do about that feeling. How do I speak up when my words can make a difference? How do I learn to let be when there's nothing that can be said? And how do I know the difference? Slightly reworded Serenity Prayer.

So right, I'm a sophomoric hypocrite who's talking in circles, but that's what my brain and emotions are swirling around over today. Has anyone else ever felt confused like this?

Comments

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Maybe we're all sophomoric hypocrites, to a greater or lesser degree?

I run into it frequently on the internet, especially when I often friend people with similar creative interests, only to find them inflexible and dogmatic on political issues. I've found the most constructive reaction on my part is to just shut the heck up. Even if it takes biting my tongue.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's sometimes hard for me to find a balance between "don't feed the trolls" and "but wait, this person doesn't have their facts straight and must be ENLIGHTENED!"

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. The main reason I don't usually jump in is my conclusion that most of them don't *want* to be enlightened.

[kim aippersbach (from livejournal.com)]

I like the word "squicky." Whenever I feel squicky on a website I just go away. I figure it's like we tell our kids: "ignore them and they'll give up eventually." I'll take my web traffic to places where people have respectful disagreements.

But I admit, just the fear of squickyness makes me shy away in general from sites that discuss remotely controversial topics. So maybe I'm a bit of an ostrich. But I also think that I do my part by being relentlessly and exclusively positive in everything I say online. (Is this comment sufficiently positive? or am I being a sophomoric hypocrite too?!)

it's a strange world. (very funny post about the One Direction fans. Oh, my, word!)

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

You are definitely positive enough! I suppose, as ozma914 says above you, we're all sophomoric hypocrites to SOME extent, but you get a pass from me here. :)

I think Twitter is the most difficult place to avoid squickyness. Because you're following people who are awesome most of the time but then they'll have reactionary immature uninformed or whatever moments.... I mean I'm pretty good at avoiding the MAJOR extreme types, except in occasional comment sections and Facebook posts from relatives (it's always relatives, notice?)

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Twitter is hard because of the urge to be immediate. The best rule of writing and commenting remains: put it aside and think about it before you say it to others. Following that rule has saved me many times, and not following it has gotten me into trouble.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I know I'm definitely more likely to use Twitter to just toss off ideas that I have on the spur of the moment, while I tend to think things through more before posting them elsewhere.

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Me, too ... luckily, I haven't had time to use twitter much.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Along the same lines as that One Direction thing, there were a lot of kids asking, "Who's Paul McCartney?" after he performed on the Grammys (or some show like that).

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

The thing that bugged me most about those kids, besides their glee at their ignorance of the most influential living rock star of all time, was, like, when I was a kid and watching something on TV or whatever and some person came out who I'D never heard of but whom everyone reacted to like they were a total legend, I BELIEVED the reaction, like "Oh, that must be some important person I've never heard of. I wonder what they did." Like Louis Armstrong or somebody-- I took the opportunity to learn. I didn't laugh it off like "LOL, why are all these people excited about this old guy I don't know?!"

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there's definitely a good bit of arrogance in assuming that someone YOU don't know obviously doesn't deserve their fame. I've fallen into that trap before too, but I've been trying to avoid it.

[kim aippersbach (from livejournal.com)]

I found a great quotation for you:

In an age of fear, moderation is hard to find and harder to sustain. Who wants to listen to a nuanced argument, when what we want is someone to relieve us from the burden of thought and convince us that we were right all along? So people mock. They blame they caricature. They demonise. (Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, "The Great Partnership: Science, Religion and the Search for Meaning," p. 295)