Being Nice vs. Being Kind

[rockinlibrarian]

Thinking about a particular issue of connotation-- "nice" vs. "kind," as you can obviously see from the title. They're synonyms, right? I don't think I ever thought much about the difference between them for most of my life, except maybe that "Be nice" flows off the tongue more easily than "Be kind."

Which I guess is the point. "Nice" is easy. "Kind," not so much.

If you're anything as former-musical-theater-dork-y as me, you've already got that line from Into the Woods in your head: "You're not good, you're not bad, you're just NICE." The line always made me uncomfortable, like it was poking at me: "Yes, Amy, I'm talking about YOU." I'm nice. I've always been nice. I always thought it was good to be nice. Why am I not GOOD for being nice?

"Nice," I've finally discovered, is passive. "Nice" is making people happy, whether it's good for them or you or not. "Nice" is going along, not making waves. "Nice" CAN be Good, but not always.

But what's the opposite of nice? Rude? Bitchy? I didn't want to be those things. Those definitely WEREN'T Good, no matter HOW many people might try to reclaim the latter.

But DUH. Connotation. I wasn't looking for the OPPOSITE of "nice," I was looking for a more ACTIVE synonym!

"Kind" is active. "Kind" is making an EFFORT to do the RIGHT thing for others. "Kind" is taking CONTROL of your gentle, loving behavior and making it MEAN something.

I'm trying to watch the words I use now. To focus more on kindness instead of niceness. This is what I most want my kids to be. Not nice people. KIND people.

This is what I'm trying to retrain MYSELF to be. Not nice. Kind.

So, I always tell people to "Play Nice" out there in the world and on the Internet, but I worded it wrong. I don't want you to play nice. I want you to play KIND. Even if it doesn't roll off the tongue as well. But that's okay, because good things take a little effort.

Comments

[elouise82.livejournal.com]

Yes! I have a blog post that's been sitting in my draft folder for a month, waiting for me to have brain enough to finish it, that's on this very topic.

I feel like, if nice is all you're aiming for, you aren't striving enough. Be kind! Be compassionate! Be courteous (there's another one not used often enough)! Be gracious! Be brave! BE FUN!

Don't be nice. Nice is too bland. Niceness won't ever change the world, or even you.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Niceness won't ever change the world, or even you.

LOVE THIS SENTENCE.

[sal_amanda]

I never thought about this before, but it's entirely true and I'm going to think about it very differently now. Thank you for that.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome!

[(Anonymous)]

The one thing I heard most about Papap from people was "He was a kind and gentle man." Can't get better than that :) xoxox

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

And he was definitely "kind" too, not just "nice." He GOT STUFF DONE, YO.