On Being a Bad Catholic

[rockinlibrarian]

All the New Pope* chatter this afternoon suddenly brought to light exactly how odd I am, from a religious perspective. Well, not SUDDENLY-- I KNOW I'm odd from a religious perspective, but it really stuck out today. On one hand you have your non-Catholics-- no, actually more ANTI-Catholics, the ones who see times like this as merely an opportunity for lots of snark. On the other hand you have the devout Catholics, the REALLY INVOLVED ONES, the ones who post how they're praying for the smooth transition on Facebook.

And then there's me, mildly interested but not feeling hugely at stake. And then I read he's going by the name of Francis, and I smile. This is a good sign to me. I feel positive about this. I want to share my pleasure, and I do so, but then I suddenly wonder, "What DO people THINK? How can they get me straight in their heads? Here I am preaching Gay Rights one minute, and now suddenly I'm talking about the New Pope in a serious, positive, non-snarky way? Whose side am I on?" Well, I'm genuinely sorry for your confusion. Sorry because that dualistic way of seeing things... well, it's not me. And you're missing out on loveliness that way.

I am, if you didn't know, a Bad Catholic. Not a LAPSED Catholic. Not a FORMER Catholic. A real, practicing Catholic who isn't quite as Catholic as many people who ARE Good Catholics would think I ought to be. I've always figured my actual beliefs run more Unitarian Universalist, but I'm still most comfortable just being Catholic, so I'm not about to change. There's always preaching going on about "Cafeteria Catholics"-- you CAN'T, they say, pick and choose what you LIKE and DON'T like about the Church's teachings, you gotta take it all, good and bad, if you want to consider yourself a True Believer. Well, I guess I AM a Cafeteria Catholic, and I'll start by being choosy about that whole concept. There's a DIFFERENCE between choosing the doctrines you want to believe in based on your own desires-- "Jesus says to love my enemies, but that's too hard, so I won't" or of course "Adultery is wrong, but I totally AM going to run off with my favorite actor, so there" not that I'd ever contemplate such a thing-- and questioning and rejecting doctrines from an objective standpoint that maybe ought to actually be CHANGED, without rejecting the teachings of Christ. What, if we'd lived in Galileo's time, we were all supposed to reject his discoveries just because the Church did? No, luckily, that was a stand the Church DID eventually change its mind about, and it was because enough people kept questioning it. I am for questioning, protesting, pushing for change in the Church. And I suppose that makes me a heretic. But I can be a heretic and still be a Believer.

But that seems to be a rare state-- or, at least, not enough people who feel that way are willing to speak up about it. You either get Right-Wing You're-all-going-to-Hell-ers or Atheist Religion-is-the-root-of-all-Evil types. They're the loud ones, and they're tricking everyone into thinking they're the only two ways to believe. But there are lots of kinds of belief, and lots of kinds of spirituality, even within religions, even within denominations. I AM a Catholic, even though I don't agree with all other Catholics on every spiritual or religious issue. People judge people, think they know what they believe when they hear the labels, based on what other people with those labels have said or done. I mean, heck, the Church of England was founded because Henry VIII was the worst Cafeteria Catholic of all time-- "Hey, whaddya mean I can't just keep getting rid of my wives when I don't want them anymore? That's it, I'm making my OWN church"-- but that doesn't mean all C of E followers are dumping spouses left and right.

What I'm getting to is this: if you really want to know what I believe, why I consider myself a Christian and a Catholic, let's look at why today's announcement of a Pope Named Francis made me smile:

Because this is the sort of man St. Francis of Assisi was. How can that not make you smile? And more personally, more importantly, there's this, the Prayer of St. Francis:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

That prayer, right there-- whether or not it was really written by St. Francis-- sums up why I am a Christian. That's my spiritual mission statement. That's my personal goal, who I want to BE. I try to live by those words, to live FOR those words.

So let others argue. This is what being a true Christian means to me.

---
*It's like New Coke, but less beverage-like.

Comments

[angelique (from livejournal.com)]

Maybe, with a little more work, you could shake off the "Bad Catholic" label and join the radical Catholics? They fought the draft (http://c9.mdch.org/) in Vietnam and against more recent wars (http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/oct/10/protesting-nuns-branded-terrorists/) and speak out for women's rights and healthcare (http://religionandpolitics.org/2012/10/26/the-nuns-not-on-the-bus/).

Which is to say, as a former Catholic, I definitely recognize not all Catholics meet my expectations (i.e., toeing the Vatican line). Even with that knowledge in hand, though, when someone introduces themselves as Catholic, I assume they are by-the-book-and-Pope until they suggest otherwise. That's kind of the point of individuals gathering under a religious banner; it's opting in, saying you believe as this group does.

I honestly wasn't much aware of the legacy of radical Catholics or the parts of the Church that emphasized social justice until I met Andy at IUP and, later, my half sister. I even wondered for a bit if I could return to the fold at some juncture (so much of a Catholic Mass is still a comfort to me), seeing those radical Catholics as allies. For me, at least, that option dissolved in 2002 and has never been something I could reconsider. In the end, I found a UU church with a pipe organ and a reverend who sings opera, so I guess I found my spiritual home after all. :)

I AM a Cafeteria Catholic too

[amelia r (from livejournal.com)]

I'm a Catholic, I can't seem myself being anything but a Catholic. I question the Church as an organization, I question a number of teachings, and I don't attend mass. I have my faith and I'm pretty sure that's rock solid.

[sal_amanda]

I feel like you essentially crawled into my head and then wrote this post. This is me EXACTLY! Right down to the love of the Prayer of St. Francis. I even had to have an extra song in my wedding just so we could have this played (I married a non-Catholic so we could only have a ceremony and not a mass, which meant less song opportunities). I was thrilled that he chose the name Francis.

I used to be a much better Catholic. My parents still go weekly and I did, too, even into young adulthood when the choice was actually mine to make. I read a giant book about saints in high school because I wanted to. I was very active in my college's Newman Center and I took a really awesome history class on Christian Thought, which I still have the notes from tucked away somewhere with my Bible. That class probably opened my mind enough to make me take a deeper look at Catholicism (it was taught by a very Catholic professor, by the way, who was also active with the Newman Center).

I've also toyed with the idea of switching to Unitarian, but I honestly just don't feel like making a major commitment to any religion right now. Plus part of me likes the tradition and familiarity. I'm still pissed off about them changing a bunch of the responses. I wonder if that's how people felt back when they changed it from being in Latin.

I have to make the decision to send Nora to "church school" or not next year and I figure I'll probably commit to it through third grade, which is truthfully just so my mom can have the joy of Nora in a first communion dress. If Nora wants to keep it up after that, I'll let it be her choice. Henry will be starting up by then anyway so I'm stuck for at least six years. I can't help but think of it as yet another thing I'm stuck carting the kids to.

[majellen.livejournal.com]

I'm a big old heathen yet you all still associate with me just fine. It's not that I don't believe in God, or heaven, more accurately. I just don't think there's any chance that some all-powerful being is going to sit there and criticize my every life choice to determine if he lets me in. If he's a loving and all powerful deity, then shouldn't he accept us with our flaws...even if that flaw is choosing the "wrong" religion?

Religion ranting aside - there's a version of that prayer done by Sarah McLaughlan that you'd probably like. :)