Just yesterday I started a new painting and felt that amazing rush of paint to canvas again, but then the chippery in my brain began and I started getting lots of feels. That's when I realized... wow, this really IS great therapy. Because if it stirs the feels pot and makes me think about and confront things I wouldn't otherwise confront - along with it also being self-expression - it's therapy. And somehow realizing that made creating feel not necessarily less difficult, but a lot more important. At least one of the many voices - the "art is inconsequential, you're wasting money on trash, go do something of actual value etc" one - quieted down. And hey, one down is better than nothing.

From this point of view, one not of "I MUST DO THIS TO PERFECTION" but of "THIS MATTERS" I've even been disciplined enough to keep a diary - a very brief, "this was what I felt like today" diary, which now that I think of it, would have been unthinkable months ago. (And now I'm slightly scared I've jinxed it, but at the same time I remember since I'm doing it because it matters and not because I must, it's no crime to be too tired to write or just put in "don't know what to say. Just chilled today. It was good." Of course the wish to be special and amazing and published is still there, but since there's this other desire in the mix - the desire to get better - it helps.)

Maybe this is the right mindset to have while we work on embracing our averageness/perfectionism?