My general response to the tone argument is - if someone steps on your toe, you ask them to step off, you yell in pain, you might even push them away, but you don't punch them in the face.

Tone-policing IS a real thing, and it is harmful and it is used to silence people, and to derail the conversation, and it's used a lot. But I've also seen the counter to that be used to allow people to pile on and send hate at anyone from well-meaning fools to any one who just doesn't understand the context.

And it's not like people don't have a right to their anger. But taking it out on strangers who just happen to misstep - I'm never sure how beneficial that is to anyone.