Being a Nice White Lady (TM) to my bones, I had a hard time understanding tone policing and "white women's tears." I mean, the tears and hurt feelings are real! Surely this can't be the best way to accomplish your goals, get your point across, etc. etc.

But after the initial shock and embarrassment, I can see how my attitude placed ME in the center, with an unconscious assumption that the burden was on a person with less privilege than I have to make their expression palatable to me. With me as the inherently reasonable judge, somehow, even if I had just said something obtuse or clueless or racist.

I won't lie, I hate being called out and try to minimize how often it happens. But I wouldn't set kindness at "giving others enough benefit of the doubt that they're willing to listen to you." That may be politic, but I would say it's a kind act to confront me and tell me I'm out of line, even coldly or angrily.